Kia Ora-

Bowling. I love Thursday night bowling and the comradery, but my game has been gradually going down hill for weeks now. Even before we took the week off for the cruise. It's really becoming disheartening. I thought the slump was just going to be a short time but it's growing. If you're not into bowling, a perfect game is 300 and no one in our group has ever scored above a 215 (which was Ms. Melissa, though Kirk may have bowled a 225 but I honestly don't remember). Our group was averaging around 150 or so and getting better. While Mr. Eric, Kirk, Karen, John, and V are kicking ass up there between 130 and 190, I've been barely scratching 100. I try hard but it's just not happening for me.

I almost want to give up, but I won't. I think it's time to go back to the learning tree, go old school. It may be time for the return of the Green.

And speaking of bowling, I know I've mentioned it but I've never explained the Bowling Religion. Just briefly, it started years ago while Phil was in Dallas. Before he left he bowled several consistant games where he would bowl and leave the 5 pin multiple times--something like 7 frames out of 10. (By the way, leaving the 5 pin solo and then missing it on the spare meant no sex for a week and it would go up in multiples the more it was missed.) Anyway, while Phil was gone we continued to bowl and when mysterious things would happen (free strikes, missing pins from the pinsettter, bounces out of the gutter, etc.) and we would call it 'the Spirit of Phil moving across the bowling alley.' When the 5 pin would come up we would praise Phil with raised arms and the reciting of 'All praise to Phil!' People who never met Phil would praise him and it went on for months. This continued, growing into a grand inquisition and dealing with heresy harshly (as any good religion does). Anyway, Phil returned and as time passed he changed from a benevolent, distant god to a Loki-type god, taunting the bowlers and causing mischief. The believers rebelled and sought a new god--an evil god, namely Eric. Now when we get the 5 pin we praise Eric. But being an malevolent god, we are in the throes of dark times in the alley, so I guess that sort of explains the slump.

Of course, worship of the bowling deity isn't the only aspect of the religion. There are the shots. Eric is the trick master, with his between-the-legs shot, airball, switched hand shots, spins, and the gutter bounce--all often strike-worthy. Then there is 'the Vanessa'--that's when you come back from being behind in the last few frames to beat the leader by 1 point. Hulk-Smash is the way Kirk obliterates the pin. A John is throwing your ball into the other lane. My trademark is stomping at the end of a throw in order to cause a strike. And now Shelly conjures up Satan to make pins fall. Those are a few examples.

Yeah, we're fucking strange.

Keep the faith.

-N.